The Importance Of Foreplay (And Tips To Improve Your Sex Life)

Walid Riachy - Man And Woman Lying On Bed - Pexels.com

This may come as a shock to some, but foreplay is my favorite part of sex. There’s a time and place for quickies, but I don’t feel completely satisfied unless I’ve had an extensive foreplay session.

It sets the table, it sets the mood, and it’s a vital part of sex for a lot of people.

It often allows for more creativity and autonomy, since we’re largely using our hands and mouths, which are arguably easier to control than your genitals. My hands and mouth are able to do things my penis simply can’t, and I use that physiological fact to my advantage.

When it comes to our genitals, we’re largely limited in what we can with them, which is why it’s so important to have other tools in the arsenal. Tools we can sharpen as we gain more experience and learn new techniques.

And as it pertains to orgasms specifically - it’s easier to reach climax if you’ve been sufficiently warmed up prior to penetration.

It’s for these reasons that we should all be looking to step up our foreplay game.

So with that said, here are a few tips to make foreplay a more exciting, more fulfilling experience.

Sexting

It’s a saying that’s cliche at this point, but cliche for a reason - the brain is our largest sex organ.

Sex starts in the mind, and being in the right mental state can lead to some incredible orgasms, and in some cases, can occur without even being touched.

It’s why for me - foreplay starts well before the clothes come off. Hell, it starts before I’m even in the same room as my partner.

Sexting is a form of foreplay, and one that I’m willing to bet is a pretty common one these days.

It’s a low pressure way to get things going. Some people have trouble communicating their needs to their partners, but behind a screen, it’s easier to be bolder and more assertive.

It can be a simple “I can’t wait to be inside you” text, a sexy selfie accompanied by relevant emojis, or it can be a sex gif of a position you’d like to try, followed only by the word “Goals.” Whatever your speed, it’s a fun, lighthearted way to get the ball rolling. Your engines are revved up heading into the actual act.

The goal of sexting is to create a judgement-free space, where your partner is able to express their needs and wants openly. A space where you can learn about what makes your partner tick. It also serves as a way to make them feel more desirable - which leads to self-confidence - which inevitably leads to much better sex.

A partner who feels wanted, who feels like they’re being heard, is going to be more enthusiastic and liberated before, during, and after the deed. It also leads to better communication overall, which is a must for any kind of relationship.

Don’t be afraid to engage in some playful sexting. It’s a seemingly small action that can lead to surprisingly more enjoyable and fulfilling sex.

Kissing

Never underestimate the power of kissing. It’s inherently intimate and passionate, and shouldn’t be slept on. Kissing is fucking hot.

Soft and slow, sloppy and fast, and everything in between; there’s a style out there to match all kinds of sex.

The lips are sensitive, and a little goes a long way. Something as simple as rubbing their lower lip with your thumb while making strong eye contact and telling them how beautiful they are, or biting their lower lip and giving it a little tug, is enough to take things to the next level.

Undressing

Another aspect of foreplay that works in any kind of sexual setting. Whether you’re ripping your clothes off like you’re trying to set a speed record, or you slow things down and take off one article of clothing piece by sensual piece, it’s always hot to watch your partner shed more and more of their clothes and expose their body to you. It’s an incredibly vulnerable but ultimately beautiful moment. It’s the reveal you’ve been waiting for, and it only adds to your growing anticipation for what’s to come next.

I personally like to take my time and appreciate each individual body part that gets exposed. I’ll take her shirt and bra off and focus on her neck and breasts for a while, before taking her pants off to focus on other areas. There’s a lot to enjoy, so to make sure all of her gets attention, I do it piecemeal.

Massage And Worship

Once all the clothes are off, I like to take more time exploring my partner’s body before we jump into oral sex.

I’ll have her lie on her stomach while I give her a back massage, toggling back and forth between slowly and delicately running my fingers down her back with a featherlike touch, and giving her deep, firm squeezes and rubs.

Much like when I was undressing her, I’ll hone in on specific erogenous zones and give them the attention they need. Ears, neck, collarbone, breasts, ass, thighs, back of the knees, feet, etc. This also ties into the “make them feel desired” aspect of foreplay I referred to earlier that’s both mental and physical.

Dirty Talk

I should mention, throughout all of this, I’m quite vocal. Dirty talk is a huge part of my sexual repertoire, and I recommend it to anyone looking to spice things up in bed. Again, it’s the little things that make a difference.

It’s not about being clever or saying something memorable - it’s all about expressing your carnal desire in the moment. “God I love your fucking ass,” followed by a playful smack, is enough. “Fuck that feels awesome baby,” as a way to encourage your partner to keep doing what they’re doing, is enough. It adds an extra layer of enthusiasm, and who doesn’t want to see and hear their partner be more enthusiastic?

I understand some people may shy away from this because they don’t want to come across as being corny, or porn-y, but again, don’t overthink it. They’re throwaway lines. Don’t worry about sounding silly, just tell your partner what you like about them, and what you like having done to you, with some obscenities sprinkled in. It’s a lot easier than some people make it out to be.

Oral

It should go without saying that the success of everything I’ve mentioned so far is solely dependent on the individual person and their individual tastes. Communication is key when it comes to sex, and you should know what your partner is and isn’t into before you try anything. Oral is no different.

Aside from asking how they feel about receiving oral in general, and asking what they like having done to them specifically, I would recommend Googling “Nina Hartley’s How To Eat Pussy” for those whose partners are women. Everyone is different and react to things differently, but it’s a good base for understanding how the female anatomy works and how to stimulate certain spots. To put it another way, there’s no downside to knowing more about vulvas.

For those with male partners, again, communication is key, but there’s also no shortage of articles and instructional videos on how to improve your technique. Especially when it comes to the subtle yet important differences between a man who’s circumcised versus one who’s not.

Also, once again, dirty talk is comically effective during this part of foreplay. Complimenting a woman on her smell and taste in between all the kissing, licking, and sucking works wonders. The same for a man. Showing enthusiasm during sex in general is important, but especially so when you’re eye level with someone’s junk. You want to make them feel comfortable about themselves and show them that you genuinely enjoy going down on them.

Conclusion

In closing - the importance of foreplay cannot be overstated. It can mean the difference between an earth-shattering orgasm, and no orgasm at all. It can also serve as a bridge to better understanding your partner, and how their body works. There’s no downside to improving your foreplay skills and extending the length of your foreplay sessions in general, so you might as well give it a go. Being a more complete lover is a goal all of us should be trying to reach.