11 - Introversion

I believe stressful, scary, unpredictable situations confirm who we are. Our character - who we are at our core - is revealed. We retreat to our comfort zones in order to find our footing and navigate through those daunting, unfamiliar moments.

2020 confirmed what I’ve always known about myself: I’m an avid introvert, and proud of it.

While people around me bemoaned quarantine, I relished it, and still do.

It’s not that I don’t miss hanging out with my friends, going to the movies, going to concerts, or otherwise being in social situations - I’m not antisocial. I just value my alone time more than anything else.

Being around people - even those I love - physically and mentally drains me after a while.

I have to be “on” in social settings. Where extroverts get their energy from being around people, I lose it.

I’ve taken this time away from others to get to the bottom of why I like it so much. I’m never content with just slapping a label on things and moving on without exploring the issue deeper. I’m too cerebral for that.

Yes, I’m an introvert, it’s a personality trait - but why do I possess said trait.

Is it embedded in my DNA? Was I destined to be an introvert at birth? Was it negative experiences early on in life that shaped me? If so, I can’t think of any offhand?

I’ve narrowed it down to two main factors:

1.) My love of brainy topics.

2.) My desire for intimacy.

To expand on that first one - most social situations aren’t exactly intellectually fruitful. You’re either focused on the entertainment in front of you (the aforementioned movies and concerts), or you’re more focused on maintaining a friendly vibe. You’re not gonna discuss politics at a bar or club. You’re not gonna dive into the harsh realities of climate change. You’re not gonna share your existential dread at a party. Those kinds of things are mood killers, and social interactions are almost wholly dependent on mood.

But those same topics are what fuel me. I don’t want to talk about benign, meaningless topics. I crave substance. I crave depth. You can’t have those conversations in a large group when the goal is to get a buzz going; you just can’t.

And to the second point - intimacy is important to me. Not just in romantic relationships, but in every relationship. Talking to someone one-on-one. Getting the chance to explore the brainy topics I referenced above, but also getting the chance to connect on an emotional basis. Getting a feel for someone’s true self and being vulnerable in return.

The thing those two points have in common is that they’re both centered around quality, not quantity.

I value quality relationships. Having a handful of people I trust and can be vulnerable with, as opposed to a large number of friends that function more as acquaintances built on a superficial foundation.

I still prefer solitude, but when I do leave the confines of my cushy hermit shell, I prefer to spend time with a small group of people I can be real with. What’s the point of being with people if you can’t be real with them?

Dave CastleDecember 11, 2020